So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
whose parrot is this?
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
