i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
