I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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