So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Randomize
