i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Randomize
