my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
