come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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