ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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