drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
