I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
