I'm jealous of your bromance
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
