That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
