remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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