he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
