Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
