I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
