my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
