My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
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