well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
