Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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