Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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