From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
We have so much sex to catch up on
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
