the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
