I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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