Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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