You're a womanizer and a bitch.
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
