im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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