to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
