Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
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And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
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Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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