i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Randomize
