i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
