i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
