Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I know her cup size but not her name....
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
