Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
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There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
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My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
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