We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
