ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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