I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
