saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
So vagazzling was a success
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
