During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
