Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
