Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
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