Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
