oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
