You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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