i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
The power of my boobs compel you
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
