a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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