I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
And then my night got REAL pukey
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
