I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
