Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
