Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
