Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
