Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
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