Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
