I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
