You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
