I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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