And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
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I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
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I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.