dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
19 Tricks To Help You Join The Mile High Club
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
No idea. I blame fireball.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.