Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.