i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
