i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
