You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
one might say we're banned from that church
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
