this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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