I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
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