Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
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