***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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