my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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