And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Just pee around me
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
