some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
