I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
