If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Randomize
