I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
